House buying

One thing I learned during the whole infertility process is not to live as if you are going to get pregnant.
So... A and I are considering buying a 2-bedroom house even though we really want a 3-bedroom. It's in a good location and has all the other features we want, and we three bedrooms for two people is really a luxury, even though it would be handy when we have guests.
But we are also planning to try IVF for the first time this spring. Does that make buying a 2-bedroom house foolish?

Signing off

I am no longer updating this blog. As I move on with my life, infertility is less and less often in my thoughts. Other activities which occupy my time - training for a triathlon, cooking, practicing violin, skiing - aren’t of interest to you.

A. may want to pursue more medical options, but I am not sure I am willing to go there. Although there are many options which we haven’t pursued, 30 months of failure when I stopped counting, each month more depressed and emotional, the personal cost is just too high. Even trying to investigate potential health problems- excess estrogen/weak thyroid/low vitamin D/stress/acne- is really just another means of exploring fertility issues, and brings me back into the hope/despair cycle again.

When we are doing fun exciting things for the first time is when I most regret not having children. It would be so wonderful to expose them to these experiences and see their joy. But childfree living is also a blessing - less work and worry, and more freedom and money for ourselves. I think a child of ours would have had a great life, and it is the universe’s loss that it isn’t going to happen.

I read some of your blogs recently for the first time in many months, and was happy to see that you all are doing well- new jobs, moving, adopting, etc. Thank you for your support. I will keep dropping in from time to time to see how you work out your lives. Best wishes for making the right choices and finding happiness!

Fitness

When my sister was seeing an alternative doctor for detox after her chemo, he gave her all sorts of tests, but one was an estrogen test. He said there are two types of estrogen- good and bad- and you can decrease the bad estrogen by getting more exercise. Since endometriosis is associated with excess estrogen too, I wondered if I would also benefit by increased exercise.

It is so hard to drag myself to the (outdoor) swimming pool when it is windy and 50 degrees, and nearly impossible to look forward to my 45-minute bike commute, but I am ALWAYS glad I did it afterwards. Another tip that helps too- every four weeks allow yourself to slack off a little.

Exercise decreases stress and depression, and losing six pounds of infertility treatment weight helps with the self-image. Things are going well!

Halloween

Last Halloween, I turned off all the lights and hid in the back of the house, ignoring every time the doorbell rang. Halloween itself wasn’t the problem- people were the problem. I had just finished the seventh and last failed IUI cycle and I was so unhappy and grumpy that I secretly referred to myself as the Grinch. Many times I wondered if I would make it through the day at work without walking out.

This year, there were a lot of kids in our neighborhood, but most didn't notice our front door, hidden in the back. A. thought the party favors that I was giving out instead of candy were lame, and he suggested we go out to a Japanese restaurant instead. That is a treat because sushi breaks our budget for eating out, but I have an insatiable craving for tempura, so he knew I would agree. Also, you aren't supposed to eat sushi while you are trying to conceive or pregnant, and I am still trying to make up for all that missed sushi.

In-law Visit

I apologize for posting so little lately. We have been preparing for the visit of the in-laws, who haven't been here for three years. They arrived today. I am happy to say that, five months after we moved in, our house is finally ready for people. We have been buying a lot of lamps and rugs and pictures, and now we have interesting walls and the sound doesn't echo off the hard wood floors. It's amazing how long it has taken us to get the house in shape! But now I am pretty happy with it.

For A's 40th birthday, we are going on a cruise to Mexico with his parents and my parents, and his brother's family. Altogether, we will be 11 people. I am most looking forward to playing with the kids. The 7-year old and 4-year-old will love the pool on the ship!

Triathlon results

I did much better at the triathlon than I expected- 269 out of 774, and I cut 50 minutes off my previous time on a similar-distance triathlon.
This motivates me to start training for a traditional-distance triathlon! The bike and run portions are about double the length, but the swimming (the hardest part for me) is quadruple. Still, a worthwhile goal.

Triathlon

I am doing a sprint triathlon this weekend. I did one three years ago, and registered just before we started trying to conceive. I remember I was worried that I might not be able to do the triathlon if I became pregnant. Ha!

I have done a little bit of training for this race, so I am hoping to improve my time by 20 minutes compared to the last race. I also have a better bike, don't have to take time to remove a wetsuit because I won't be wearing one, and am prepared for the panic I feel when I put my face in the cold green water.

I know this is way beyond me, but wouldn't it be great to brag someday that I completed an ironman triathlon? Or even just a marathon - no drowning worries there.