Monday, May 19, 2008


I thought I was past the point where it bothered me when other women became pregnant, but yesterday a friend called to say that she is eight weeks along. I already knew through the grapevine that she was pregnant, but her feeling confident enough to announce it herself is much harder for me than I expected.

Although her first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I hope she realizes how fortunate she is to be able to get pregnant so easily- twice in six months!

It was my own fault for asking her how she was doing. You know how people slow their cars so they can see an accident on the road? I not only cause the accident, I am the accident and I get to watch it too.

For me, a miscarriage would at least be a sign that my body is working, and that I shouldn't give up hope. But hopes frequently dashed just cause pain, so I don't think I want any hope at this point.


Penny said...

Oh UGH, my entire weekend was one 'congratulations' after another. It does not make for a lovely day.

Sorry you had such a tough time.

Liz said...

I have been on the receiving end of those kinds of phone calls too and now, although it's always painful being on the other end of these announcements, I am always grateful that those friends have called me directly. I know those calls have not been easy for them either and I so respect them for caring enough to give me the news directly instead of choosing not to call...I feel for them because they are "dammed if they do dammed if they don't" and it hurts either way BUT I'd rather have the initial hurt of hearing them tell me themselves instead of them never doing it because of the awkwardness of it all. It's just hard!

Feliz Dianne Flutter said...

I've been reading your archived posts. And it is scary how much we have in common.

This thought, well, I have had it. So many times.