Tuesday, June 3, 2008

To resume or not to resume

I had a dilemma. When we initially stopped medical intervention in October 2007, I begged for a six-month break, with the idea that we would resume or consider resuming in six months. I hoped that I could find a new job and get settled in during those six months, and that then I would feel positive enough to be willing to pursue treatment again. However, those six months have come and gone, and I still am at the same job, and I still don't want to pursue any more treatment.

A and I talked about the negatives of having children, and our reasons for wanting to have them, and we both agreed that having children isn't worth the steps that we will have to go through to get them. Although it is possible that we will change our minds in six months or a year, at this point it looks like we are finished.

Now I feel like I can finally (for the first time in three years) make plans that don't take into account medical treatment timing, costs or possible pregnancy. (In other words, I can go on vacation whenever I want, change my job without worrying about becoming pregnant right after I start, go scuba diving if I feel like it, and drink wine with dinner every night if I wish.) This has the potential to be wonderfully freeing, but it is hard to completely change my mind set after so long!

8 comments:

girlexnihilo said...

Im happy for you guys! The future is a blank page- you can make your own plans now. i hope this takes a huge burden of worry off your shoulders, even though it is also a sadness. I love you; you guys have so much life left to live!

loribeth said...

Sometimes a break is great for clarifying the situation. My dh & I also took a summer "break" & decided not to resume treatment. I just couldn't face it anymore, much as I wanted to be a mother. It is very difficult to change that mindset, after living your entire life expecting to have children... but as you noted, there are positives too. And you still have scope to change your mind, although as time passes, the odds of success get slimmer. All the best as you entere this new phase in your life!

Io said...

I'm so glad you are able to be strong and make this decision. I hope it is wonderfully freeing, that you drink lots of wine, and that you have an awesome time scuba diving and getting massages and being able to live life on a whim.

hopeyg said...

Sounds like you are more at peace now. That's great.

Love ya,
Hoper

Penny said...

Wow! Well, congratulations on achieving such a significant turning point in your life. Also your description of how you felt after you made the decision totally gave me a taste the freedom from this awful pursuit. I am jealous a little bit, if that's not too condescending.

Portraits In Sepia said...

I wish you the best. We are in the same place. Trying to decide what's next now that we've ended our treatments.

charity said...

I'm happy for you and I hope that you will get your happiness back quickly. It must feel like a big weight off your shoulders. -love ya'

The Rebound Girl said...

That is the question of my day. IVF has been placed on the table and my husband is all for it. He is not the one being poked and probed though, now is he?