Wednesday, April 16, 2008

No longer forbidden

These are the things I couldn’t do for the two years that I was trying to get pregnant:

Go running (my heartbeat might go above 100 beats per minute)
Ride my bike to work (same reason)
Eat blue cheese or brie (listeria)
Go out for sushi (also listeria)
Go gambling in Reno (second-hand smoke)
Ride rollercoasters (too much movement)
Drink wine (alcohol)
Soak in the hot tub (too much heat)
Color my hair (chemicals)
Drink black tea (caffeine)
Eat chocolate (more caffeine)

Worst of all, I couldn’t be happy! I would drag myself through work and school, trying to stay away from people because I knew I had a horrible attitude. I would come home and try to be cordial to A. while we ate supper, but all I wanted to do was go to bed and cry. I couldn’t even find a private place to cry alone- a major drawback to being married.

Now that the Clomid is out of my system, or maybe just because I’m not putting any more restrictions on myself, I have found happiness again. Not constant happiness, but generally happy sometime for weeks. It is so wonderful!

The number one reason that I don’t want to resume treatment is that I don’t want to be that unhappy ever again!

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